Who Wants to be a Chef?
by toujourspret
Summary: 3x4,1x2--Duo's sick of Trowa always playing housewife! He's out to prove once and for all that he can cook-even if it kills them! Crossover with Iron Chef.


Who Wants To Be A Chef?  
_______________________  
by: rinoastar  
_______________________  
  
  
Hey! This is my first fic for the   
ML, and it's based on a topic that came  
up: Iron Chef. My fic isn't exactly  
a crossover, but it captures the elements  
of both shows. Of course, it features  
the G-boys!  
_______________________  
Standard Disclaimer: Neither the Iron Chef  
nor Gundam Wing belong to me. I wish  
they did, because I'd be rich, but . . . I'm  
not. Please don't sue me, unless you get some  
sick pleasure out of torturing poor people!  
_______________________  
  
Trowa set the last plates on the   
table. He wiped his hands on his apron.  
Quatre grinned and picked up his fork,  
along with Heero and Wufei. Duo just  
stared at his plate.  
"Oi, what's this?" the braided boy  
asked, picking at his food.  
"Chicken pot-pie. Eat it," Heero  
commanded before stuffing a piece of   
crust into his mouth. Quatre and Wufei  
both eagerly complied.  
"Hey, T-man, you know I think of  
ya as a brother, but you make the homliest  
little housewife. Howsabout ya let  
someone else try cooking ?" Duo snickered.  
"Like who, Maxwell ?" Wufei set his   
fork to the side.  
"Like me! I can cook, ya know!"  
Duo grinned. Quatre choked on his food, and   
Trowa began to gently pat his back.  
"I think Trowa's doing a fine job!"  
the blonde boy said once he could speak.  
"That's just because when he plays the  
'Mommy,' you get to play the 'Daddy,'" Duo's  
grin widened as Quatre blushed and   
discontinued the debate.  
Heero yanked Duo's braid, "Leave them   
alone!" Wufei looked as if he was fighting   
off a nosebleed and Trowa was rendered  
speechless (.:: *crickets* That was a joke, peoples!::.).  
"Fine. Tomorrow night, you cook, " Trowa  
said.  
"I've got a better idea!" Duo chirped.  
Quatre was glaring daggers at him, in defense of   
his koibito. "You cook some things with what  
we have, and I'll cook some things that  
are totally different from the same stuff!  
Then, whoever's is best will cook! And Quatre, "  
Duo winked at the blonde. " . . . you can't be  
judgemental because your koibito is cooking!"  
"Ne, Maxwell, that's the smartest thing  
you've said since I met you!" Wufei frowned.  
"Who said I'd be judgemental ?" Quatre  
asked. Duo shrugged.  
_______________________  
The next evening at dinner  
  
Duo tied his apron on as Heero carefully  
pinned back his braid. When his koi was through,  
Duo flexed his muscles and prepared the timer.  
Across the room, Quatre was tying Trowa's  
apron strings into a bow.  
Wufei opened the cabinet. "K'so! We  
forgot to buy groceries!" he swore. He  
set a box of rice on the counter, albeit   
reluctantly, a block of tea, a box of animal   
crackers, a tin of cocoa mix, and two cans of  
condensed chicken broth followed. *Very* reluctantly, he  
set their last loaf of bread down, then  
moved on to the refridgerator. He removed  
a carton of milk, a bag each of sugar, flour,   
and cornstarch, a chunk of swiss cheese, three  
packages of unidentifiable lunch meats, a carton of  
eggs, and two sticks of butter.  
The last three took their positions as  
helpers. Wufei guarded the clock, Quatre stood   
by Trowa, and Heero stood by Duo. Wufei counted  
down, "Five, four, three, two, one, GO!" and started the  
timer.  
Trowa grabbed the flour, milk, and eggs.  
Very precisely, he measured out the ingredients.  
Quatre returned the items and rushed back.  
Trowa mixed the items carefully and sent Quatre   
for salt.  
Meanwhile, Duo grabbed a can of broth   
and some of the animal crackers. Wufei, seeing this,  
sweatdropped and briefly wondered if whatever   
Duo was making would be edible. Duo put the  
broth into a pan and added milk, instead of water.  
Then, he put pieces of bread in the mess.  
Wufei gagged and glanced at the timer.  
"Fifty minutes left!" he announced. Trowa  
nodded to Quatre and put his creation in the  
oven. Duo grinned and glanced at Heero, who was eating the  
animal crackers.  
"Hey! Don't eat those!" he yelled, turning  
to Heero. As he turned, Duo hit the handle of his pan,  
sending his lukewarm 'soup' flying. It splattered   
everywhere, and Wufei breathed a half-sigh of relief  
that he wouldn't have to eat it. He also noticed  
Quatre placing a few slices of bread onto a plate.  
Trowa was busy mixing his can of broth  
with water. Then, he added a half-cup of rice  
(.:: people really like that, you know! ::.). Quatre  
retrieved a few slices of cheese and put them on  
the plate with the bread.  
Duo decided to start over. He cracked  
a few eggs and put them in a clean pan. Then  
he poured in a bit of milk. He carefully mixed  
it. Wufei grinned to himself. 'At least he's making  
something I've *heard* of before, ' he thought as  
duo turned the stovetop on.  
Reassured, Wufei checked the clock. "Forty  
minutes left!" he announced. Trowa sent Quatre  
for the eggs. When the blonde retrieved them,  
the two had a quiet conversation. Straining his ears,  
Wufei caught " . . . it works with cheddar . . . " The  
Chinese boy shrugged and watched the competition.  
It seemed that Trowa was copying Duo,   
for a bit. He mixed four eggs with some milk   
and began to cook. Then, he began to scramble  
his eggs, while it was obvious that Duo was not.  
Quatre brought Trowa one pack of lunchmeat, putting  
another away with his bread and cheese.  
Duo continued to scold Heero for eating   
the cookies. He sent him for more, and watched him  
to make sure he didn't eat them. Heero seemed to be  
staring over Duo's shoulder. Angry, Duo spun on his   
heel and faced his omlette, which was, by now, en'   
flambe' ! He shrieked and Heero calmy poured baking  
soda over it.  
Wufei's eyes were the size of dinner plates  
as he turned to look at the clock. "Th-thirty minutes  
left! Halfway through!" he announced shakily. Trowa was  
busy mincing the meat, but nodded his head in understanding.  
Duo stood, musing the reason his dish had spontaneously   
combust.  
Trowa mixed the minced meat with some  
cheese Quatre had been grating. He then  
stirred it into the scrambled eggs. Quatre handed  
him a wooden spoon so he wouldn't scratch the  
pan's non-stick coating.  
Duo finally found out why his eggs  
had fried themselves. He turned the stovetop  
temperature back down to a reasonable eight  
hundred. Heero almost smiled as he ate another   
cookie. His koibito chose that moment to turn around.  
Duo hit Heero over his spiky head with a   
wooden spoon. Bad move.  
Wufei watched as Heero pulled an even  
bigger wooden spoon out of Spandex Space (tm: KnM).  
Heero then returned the 'love tap' and rendered the  
braided chef senseless with little chibi-Heeros-with-a-big-spoon  
floating above his head. Wu winced and called out the   
time, "Twenty minutes left!"  
Duo awoke from his semi-stupor.  
He grabbed his stick of butter and melted   
it in a new pan. Since he had the stove set  
to 800 degrees (.:: uh-oh. He said he *knew* how to cook ::.),  
the butter nearly evaporated upon touching the  
pan. Grinning maniacally, Duo tossed two slices of   
bread into the pan. They hissed, and he threw   
them into the air, flipping them. They were   
browned perfectly, and he flipped them onto a   
plate. He slipped a peice of cheese between them   
and it melted into a soft, gooey mess. Wufei was  
impressed that Duo had made something that  
turned out okay.   
Trowa scoffed at Duo's showing off. Quatre  
patted him on the shoulder and he turned  
to keep an eye on the food. The timer on the   
oven rang, and Trowa removed his bread-type thing  
(.:: he put it in at the beginning, remember? ::.) from the  
oven. Quatre put more grated cheese on it, along  
with spices that he had pilphered from Wu's   
spice rack. Then, he put it back into the  
oven.  
Wufei frowned a bit, wondering if there would  
be enough food for the five of them. So far, there   
was only a pan of rice, a loaf of bread, one sandwich,   
and a pan of scrambled eggs for all of them to share.  
He knew that he, for one, wouldn't touch any of it,  
and they had used all of the groceries. He folded his  
arms over his chest and called out, "Ten minutes!"  
Duo grabbed some animal crackers and arranged   
them on a plate, trying to make them look nice. He   
then took the plate as far away from Heero as the space  
in the kitchen allowed. Heero glared at him.  
Trowa, meanwhile, was creating his dessert, as   
well. He mixed a great deal of cocoa mix with just a   
bit of milk, creating a thick paste. He then took  
a small paintbrush that he had gotten from Quatre and   
dipped it in. Quatre was busy picking out his favorite   
animals. He handed Trowa a handful of camels and lions.  
Trowa delicately painted them with the chocolate.  
Quatre set the finished crackers on a plain   
white plate. He and Trowa frowned. Finally, Quatre   
shooed Trowa off to pay more attention to the bread while  
he solved the problem. Quatre delicately painted on the  
plate, writing in Arabic. 'Wishes of peace and great   
fortune, ' he wrote in a flowing script. Then he   
painted a dove on the plate. Trowa leaned over his   
shoulder and smiled softly.  
Wufei checked the clock again.   
"Ten seconds."  
Duo neatly sliced the sandwich, the only dish   
he successfully completed, into five even sections.  
"Nine."  
Trowa cut the loaf of bread, which wasn't very  
large, into slices.  
"Eight."  
Heero eyed Trowa's animal crackers with a   
hungry eye.  
"Seven."  
Quatre waggled an admonishing finger at the  
pilot of the Wing Mecha.  
"Six."  
Wufei rolled his eyes at Heero. Those cookies  
looked to be the only thing edible in the room, and he'd  
be damned if he'd let Heero eat them all!  
"Five."  
Duo glanced, worried, at Trowa's side, full of  
prepared dishes.  
"Four."  
Heero helped Duo set his one dish on the counter.  
"Three."  
Duo's sandwich looked pitiful indeed, next to  
Trowa's food.  
"Two."  
Quatre danced from foot to foot in anticipation.  
"One."  
Trowa paused in his preperations to look up at   
Wufei.  
"Time's up. Now we have to, " Wufei grimaced, "taste  
them all."  
Trowa and Heero carried all of the dishes to the  
table. Quatre set the table around them. Wufei retrieved  
silverware and napkins for each of them. Duo served the  
food on two plates per person--one for Trowa's food, one  
for his own.  
They all sat down and prepared to eat Duo's sandwich.  
Quatre murmured something with the word 'Allah' suspiciously  
frequent. Trowa crossed himself three or four times. Wufei  
whispered something about being with Nataku soon. Heero  
snickered at the other pilots before replying, "Life comes   
cheap, especially mine."  
Duo gave him a half-hearted glare before lifting his   
pice up. "You only live once!"  
"Was that supposed to be reassuring?" Wufei   
sardonically asked.   
"It didn't work, " Trowa muttered.  
Duo took a big bite of the sandwich. "Yosh! It's   
good!"  
Quatre cracked an eye at him. "I don't know.  
I'll wait a few minutes, and if you start convulsing, I'm  
not going anywhere near it."  
Wufei stared at Duo. "You mean it's edible?"   
he asked, disbelieving. Trowa snickered lightly at  
that, and Heero smirked. Quatre giggled.  
Hesitantly, Trowa took a tiny bite. He nodded  
in confirmation that it was indeed edible. Quatre and  
Heero nibbled theirs. Heero seemed satisfied with it,  
but Quatre made a face.  
"It's a bit raw inside, as if you found some way  
to cook it in seconds and didn't bother with the inside, "  
he said, pulling his piece apart. The melted cheese   
stuck to one slice of bread, revealing the white, uncooked  
quality of the bread inside.  
Heero shrugged. "Wufei hasn't eaten his, " he   
said. Wufei glared daggers and threats of death at him.  
Reluctantly, he bit into his sandwich.   
"It's alright. It's pretty hard to mess up a   
grilled cheese sandwich, " Wu put the sandwich back  
onto his plate.  
Next, they tried Trowa's rice. Quatre bit in  
and smiled. "It tastes just like what I eat at home!"  
he beamed at his koibito. He promptly ate all the rice  
on his plate.  
Trowa slowly ate his, watching the little blonde  
eat. Duo dug in. "I like it, Tro-man!" he said  
cheerfully.  
Wu scowled. "This coming from the guy who'll  
eat anything." He took a tiny bite of the rice. It was  
alright, but not quite his cup of tea. "It's fine.   
I prefer unflavored, though, " he told the boy with  
strange bangs.  
Heero was silently eating his own, but nodded   
at Wufei's comment. Trowa shrugged.  
Then they went on to the bread. Duo nearly ate  
his slice in one bite. "Yum! I like this!" he   
declared.  
Quatre bit a tiny piece off before blushing  
and pushing it away. "I'm sorry, To-chan. I just  
don't like it. You did an excellent job for the   
amount of time you had, though." He looked like he  
was going to cry. Trowa reassuringly patted his   
hand and he cheered up.  
Heero quickly ate his own slice and grabbed   
for Quatre's. Wufei scowled. "You got these spices  
from me, Winner, " he said accusingly. Quatre   
blushed. Trowa glared at Wu. Sighing, Wu ate his   
own. "At least you thought of it, " he admitted.  
Trowa took a bite of it and almost smiled.  
It tasted very close to the way Catherine's did, when  
she made it.  
Then they moved to the scrambled eggs. Trowa bit   
in and ate silently, as usual. Duo ate his quickly,   
again, and congratulated Trowa on them. Quatre ate   
quietly, picking the lunchmeat out carefully. Wufei   
poked at his, eating only the meat out of it. Heero  
simply ate all of it.  
"I don't like the meat, " Quatre admitted.  
"I don't like the egg, " Wufei responded.  
"I liked it all, " Duo grinned and pointed to  
Heero. "And he did, too!"  
Trowa nodded and handed Wufei Quatre's leftover  
meat, exchanging it for Wu's leftover egg. Quatre   
smiled again and Wufei snorted.   
Lastly, they moved on to desert. The two plates  
were set out in the middle of the table. Heero nearly  
jumped across it, trying to get to the cookies. Quatre  
giggled and grabbed a camel and lion. They had both been   
intricately painted with cocoa mix. Heero grabbed a   
handful, regardless of whichever plate they were from.  
Duo marveled at the intricate painting of the  
cookies. "These are too pretty to eat!" he announced.   
Heero tried to snatch them away. "No! Who would have  
thought that the perfect soldier had a cookie fetish?"  
Duo snickered and tried to protect his plate.  
Quatre looked like a five-year-old, playing  
with his cookies. He set them up, side by side, so  
tht it looked as though they were real, small,   
chocolate-covered animals. He walked them around on   
his plate. Trowa coughed, trying to hide his smile.  
Quatre was so cute sometimes!  
Quatre blushed and smiled sunnily. "They're  
pretty! And I like chocolate!" He looked back down  
at his plate and continued to play.  
Wufei chuckled at him and ate another of Duo's   
cookies. "I don't like chocolate, " he reasoned,   
eating another one.  
Duo's eyes grew to the size of half-dollars.  
"Really, Wuffie? How can you not like chocolate?  
I didn't think it was physically possible!" Wu growled.  
"Baka, " Heero pulled Duo's braid firmly.  
When everyone was through eating, Wufei stood  
up. "It's time to vote, " he said. "All in favor of   
Duo cooking from now on, say 'aye'. "  
.::crickets::.  
"All in favor of Trowa remaining the chef   
du'jour, say 'aye'. "  
"Aye!"  
"Aye!"  
"Aye!"  
"Aye!"  
"AYE!" Wufei resounded. "It's unanimous.  
Duo cooks like Tendou Akane, " he snickered.  
"What?! That wasn't what we were voting on!"  
Duo protested.  
"So? It's true!" Heero smiled maniacaly.  
"You shouldn't be cooing at all, Duo-chan, "  
Quatre giggled.  
"So, who's cooking against Trowa tomorrow?"  
Duo asked innocently.  
"No more cooking battles!" Heero snapped.  
"Ah, well, " Trowa shrugged.  
"But we don't really know that he's the best  
of all of us!" Duo cried.  
"You know, he has a point . . . " Quatre  
replied evenly.  
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
~owari~  
The End?  
Feel free to write a sequel! Send me a copy! I'd love to  
read it! 


End file.
